This is a tough one. Step parents are always betrayed to be awful. Cinderella had a wicked step mother didn’t she? What they don’t tell you in the fairy tales is step parenting is harder than parenting. It’s incredibly difficult to step into a role someone else has left. Even more so if the child despises you.
Everyone has different values, different ways. We as adults and so do children.
I’m writing this as last year my step son decided the grass was greener and vouched to live with his father. Wasn’t as simple as that obviously and it was a court battle. His wishes were heard and his age carried alot of weight. He went to live with his father. There has been no contact since the day he left. Imagine that as a mother or even a father imagine raising your child until the grand old age of twelve then nothing. It’s his Birthday coming up soon. How do I do this? His mother my wife misses him terribly of course she does. I had a difficult relationship with him. There is no “prettying” this up. I did everything for him bar chew his food and go to the toilet for him. I was never going to make his grade and believe you me I tried… I never worked so hard on anything. It got ugly at the end. I won’t go into the ugly parts as you never know he may well be reading this. I don’t blame you son. You wanted what you got in the end and you did everything you could to get it. That’s determination. I can tell you. Your Mum is hurt and she always will be. She deals with it in a way that blows me away. She wants to have contact.. she’s tried. You’ll learn that one day I’m sure. I really hope your happy and your getting on well. I hope you have a great birthday and get all that you had hoped for. I hope for you that things are the way you had hoped they would be.
Further to my post I’ve lost my way a little. If you are a parent that has a step parent as part of your unit. Praise them they are not you and believe you me they find it hard. Most I know don’t want to be you either so they have no intention in filling your shoes. If you are a step parent I’m sure you understand what I have written. I take my hat off to anyone that steps up to that role.