September 2017

Today we began a brand new “term”. Not that I believe we ever stop learning, however the Daisy’s classes resume this week as does her math tuition.

I absolutely chucked myself in head first with home education. Not a case of dipping my toes in I dived catastrophically in from a great height.

My mother recently told me how I am that way in most areas if my life, I do it and create ripple effects that people have to adjust to. Maybe that’s the case. It is who I am. I’m not going to change.

Today arrived and in my mind I’ve focused on the positives, I am incredibly lucky to of found out about home education.

I write a lot about my late Father he was the biggest constant in my life, he encouraged our journey of home education from the off. He understood why I chose a different path he totally “got it”. He’s no longer here with us and that’s harder than I ever thought possible. Today the Daisy decorated a piece of paper with his photo on it. We’ve taken this day slowly, enjoyed the process. My Dad may not be here with us physically, I shall continue listening to him cheer us on .

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Nothing like loosing the one…

This year has been a learning curve, I’m not quite sure what I’ve learnt from it all yet. The one thing I have is life is too god damn short.

Yes I understand we all know that, it sure as hell kicks you in the lady balls when you live it, in all its mighty. This year we lost the most amazing person I am blessed to of called my Dad.

Nothing prepares you for it, we knew his prognosis.

Did we accept it? No. Did we live like victims? No. Did we research the heck out of alternative therapies and form connections we will forever be grateful for? Yes we did.

Did it save him? No.

No it didn’t, has it helped the process of grieving? No it hasn’t but at least we gave it our all. None of us can never doubt we did enough.

Pops was and still is the one I look upto. He lived a humble life and took extra care of everything that was his. He would treat everyone as equal, he was an excellent boss and mentor- not something that’s greatly heard of anymore. He loved to see people happy and celebrated people’s success. He adored those around him and treasured his Granddaughter (the Daisy).

Without him I do feel lost, it’s a sadness I didn’t know existed. I have two choices, we all do. Be bitter or better.

I have chosen the latter. If we hold friendships and I’ve been vague, I’m still here. Just a different form of what I once was.

I can only move forward and live my life with him in spirit. He had the most awesome personality and could make you feel like the only person in the room. He showed kindness to all and I didn’t know many people that had a bad word to say about him. If they did they weren’t worth knowing anyway.

For my Dad I need to carry his spirit and love for life. I hope to show the Daisy all the things he loved and valued and in turn she can show me all the things she knew of him from a child’s perspective that perhaps I’d forgotten as an adult.

Like a trifle 

I originally started this blog to account our home education journey. 

Our life, her life, my life isn’t just about home ed. Yes it takes up a whole chunk of our time. But how we choose to raise our child does not define us. 

I was recently described as a trifle, lots of layers but not many people get to the good part, the reason? I don’t let them get there. 

I’m always encouraging the Daisy to be herself to not allow her path of education  define her. So from now on I’m not going to use this platform to tell you how wonderful or not so wonderful our journey is. I’m going to write more, more about life, more about me and more about what we are about 😊.

It’s OK not to like everyone. Just don’t be a dick.

That statement up there that’s the title for this post. It’s as relevant to me as it is to parenting. Your not going to like everyone in life and equally they aren’t going to like you. Just don’t be a dick. It’s perfectly acceptable to not get on with everyone. I’m certainly a hard book to read but I’d like to think I’m kind enough to walk away from anything that’s not serving me.

I teach the Daisy that if someone is unkind to tell me or a safe adult. She doesn’t need to suck it up and deal with it anymore than I would. I’m old enough and maybe wise enough to walk away.

She has previously thought to just cope with another child’s harsh words or actions. As much as I can’t be with her all the time I’d like to think she can diffuse a station or seek help and understanding. There’s so much pressure on children to cope with events that even adults would find difficult, yet we ask ourselves why there is so much childhood mental health issues.
So the moral of the story. Don’t be a dick. If you can’t choose kindness simply walk away.

2016 Round up

This year has been everything. Home education wise it’s been awesome. Personal life has been a roller coaster.  I’ve given up two jobs, I’ve started two more. I’m going self employed. My hearts broken into a million pieces. It’s not going to be fixed. But that’s another story and one that I wish not to share. 
We’ve joined the National trust and met new friends from that. We’ve been to more museums and further adventure’s. We’ve travelled the country more. Our journey has had its inconsistencies but we’ve bonded more. 
2016 you’ve been for the most part a blast. The things we can grow from I’m sure that we will. I’m not going to say here’s to new beginnings within the new year as I’d rather we all grow than start again. Love and blessings to you all x 

Grief and relationships

I’ve been thinking about posting a subject on grief before now, but each time I’ve scrapped the idea. I think it needs to be spoken…

In my opinion the above word is not spoken about enough.

It’s a taboo, we all at some point in our lives encounter it, yet it’s not spoken about. Grief in our home is still very much raw. It’s as raw as the day it happened. Rainbow Mamas Son went to live with his father. From that day until now she’s had no contact from him at all. He was 12 at the time and is now 14.

She hasn’t lost him to death she lost him as it was his choice to go and live with his Dad.

Imagine raising a child for 12 years then nothing. There’s no place to visit to collect thoughts. Noone to really connect with about it. As loosing custody to a child is still shamed upon regardless of reasons.

Grief is a real game changer. I lost the person I fell in love with. I lost her to this immense feeling of failure and isolation . One that she had no control over the end result.

The decision that ended her life as she knew it and ours too.

Living with someone else’s decision for the rest of her childs childhood days. When he’s 18 it’s his choice, if he makes contact or not.

Rainbow Mama is more than heart broken. Every day I think I see a glimpse of what life was like. It’s merely a glimpse. Friends don’t know what to say to her, so they go from being there to distant memories. It’s hard, by gosh it’s really difficult.

Maybe if it was spoken about. Any grief, it wouldn’t be easier but it would be more understood?

I just want to say. If your reading this, your allowed to be happy. Your allowed to be in more than just the moment. Your allowed to live xx

Friends

Without the Daisy life is pretty dull. She drives me crazy most days. I’m not going to pretty that bit up.

I’m sat here with a migraine from hell, with endless household tasks to complete. I am reminded by Rainbow mama that I’m tired and my head hurts as I didn’t allow myself time to rest after I finished work at 8am yesterday. No I didn’t I’ll hold my hands up. Instead I chose to attend a picnic that I had organised. So now I’m feeling it!

I have many friends. My parents are proud of this. As a child I struggled with friendships. I didn’t have many. I now know alot of people and with most I have a common interest and that is how we educate our children. Without these people in my life I’d struggle.  We all educate it different ways but ultimately we all want the same results. Happy, confident kids. So this post is to thank you all, thank you for being there Wether it be a message on Facebook,  liking my IG photo or an email. I truly value all my friendships in all the different ways x

School

It’s not that I’m anti school. It’s more I think there’s more to life than school.

Everyone has bad days, I have many, as do you. If I was in school and my bad day was on a day where I was sitting an exam. My bad day would be bigger than what it really is. My grade for that exam may be altered due to me having a bad day. That grade I had achieved would set a level of what I could achieve.
Since when does one bad day, screw up a whole year or more?
A bad choice may well do that. But in real life you can improve most of the time.

We know a child who’s not yet 7. He’s already feeling the pressure of performing in his SATS, not from his parents i may add. He is a sensitive soul and he’s struggling with an exam. One that many dissagree with in the first place. Yes, you read that right he’s seven at the end of May and is already feeling the pressure of performing on an exam.

I have alot of respect for teachers. I have non for the system that is our state education in the UK.

The system is so rigid, so rigid to the point that even as adults we sometimes suggest that we are unable to do things as adults, because we weren’t able to do it at school. I still at times do this. I left school 16 years ago!

So am I anti school? No.

Do I dislike teachers? Hell no, I have many friends who teach.

Was our decision to home educate a rash decision? I don’t think it was at all.

Do we home educate because we don’t want to do the school run? As tempting as it would be to say yes. I’m afraid that isn’t my reason.

Do I follow the NC? Now some of the Daisy’s work books are linked to the NC. However we don’t follow it as I find it limiting.

Do we follow a curriculum at all? No we don’t follow one. We cover maths, English and science everyday then I follow her lead. She’s currently creating an artistic masterpiece whilst I’m writing this post after having helped cook our evening meal.

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Daisy’s 7th Birthday

Wow what a week.
The Daisy returned from Puerto Banús on Tuesday. She had a brilliant time away with her grandparents and Uncle.

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On Wednesday we began her Birthday celebrations with a trip to Trentham Monkey Forest.  This trip was a suprise for her, she didn’t have a clue until we were about a mile away, when I told her to read the tourist information signs.

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We learnt about Barbary macaque apes and how they live, socialise and breed.

Play is important to the apes as they learn valuable skills to use later in life.
Same principles as children so it seems.

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On the Thursday it was the Daisy’s Birthday. She chose to stay at home to play with her toys.

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She had a wonderful day surrounded by her family.

On Friday we visited Twinlakes childrens theme park in Melton Mowbray.

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She fed a lamb and a calf. We all had a wonderful time.

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My week without you

Ok so this blog post is a little premature as you’ve only been on holiday for two days.

This is a big thing for me Daisy. Mama cried all the way home from the airport. I sit drinking my coffee in the morning in complete silence. Now don’t get me wrong sometimes I wish for quiet but this is too quiet.

I know your having a wonderful time. We face timed just now and you were so excited to tell me you’d seen a snake whilst on your walk with Pop Pop. This is what I miss. Your infectious wonder of everything around you. You’ll randomly tell Rainbow mama and I about sloths whilst eating your dinner. Whilst I’d rather you concentrate on eating at that specific time, it’s your voice I miss the most.

This week I’ve been thinking about what my life was like before you. I can tell you I worked full time on a rehab ward with the NHS. I worked shifts, that’s about all I can remember. Not alot made me tick back then.  When I had you I totally immersed myself in being a mother. I’m not sure what else I’m good at, even if I do question myself most days.

In a few weeks I’ll re read this post when I’m having a rough day and remind myself how much I missed you x

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